#ActuallyAutistic

In this episode I talk about my current understanding as of June 2022, as identifying as a undiagnosed  Autistic brown adult. I talk a bit about signs of autistic traits in my life. I also talk about how autism is viewed by other society currently. I talk about growing up and building my skills and capacity and self-identify. 

Transcripts of this podcast are available here: https://inclusiveeducationirl.buzzsprout.com/ Contact: inclusiveeducationirl@gmail.com Tweet At Me:  https://twitter.com//InclusiveEdIRL 

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Transcript

Unknown Speaker  0:00  
Today's episode is going to be how during the pandemic, I realized and accepted that I have an artistic

Unknown Speaker  0:25  
Welcome to inclusive education IRL. Today we're gonna talk about how I saw signs of autism, in retrospect, in my childhood, teenage years and adulthood, how I'll also be talking about how autism is seen in society and when people don't want to have those labels. And lastly, we'll be talking about how you can develop skills as an autistic person and connect with people that are like you and build a sense of self identity, and solidarity to kind of help you get through life. I'm a special education teacher. So I work with a lot of people that are labeled autistic, and some that do not have, like their primary label is not autistic, but like a secondary or like tertiary eligibility they have for special education services, is autism. So it is kind of categorized currently as a learning disability, if it interferes with a child's capacity to kinda academically expect to be so I work with a lot of autistic kids. And I've seen a lot of similarities with them. And myself, and I don't have an autism diagnosis, like I never have been, but like thinking about myself as a kid, I see a lot of me and those kids, like they just needed a little bit more guidance in in what they're doing. And then generally, that's not surprising, like if you so everything is set up in a way where if you don't have money or knowledge, you don't have access to things. So like, there's accommodations for people that have autism, and unless it's a huge problem, you won't receive any support in the school system,

Unknown Speaker  2:22  
unless it's inconveniencing a lot of people. So a lot of people like me, kind of just went through school, being weird, and not receiving any official support, even though it would have been really helpful. And the older you get, the less likely it is for you to receive support. I feel like autism is talked about a lot more than when I was a kid or a teenager, or even a young adult. And some of it might be because of my career path. And what I'm interested in, I think overall, there's really like a surge of media and stuff like that, that deal with autistic people. And there's a lot more understanding, I think in the past, or like, historically, if you were autistic or labeled with that label of autism, you were hidden away from society and like a mental institution where you were just kind of kept alive and just out of society's reach. I think I can the first podcast episode that I did, I talked a little bit more about that. And there's like some documentaries online and on Netflix about that, which seems kind of explicit and violent. And we're like, Oh, my God, how would we ever do this to people that we love. But yeah, there was a lot of stigma around having someone in your family with autism or like, any type of like mental health impairment. So usually, they were just sent away from the family. But what we're learning now, but Autism NOW, it's considered a spectrum disorder. So I think many people have an idea of what an autistic person is. And I kind of want to shed light a little bit more on what that can be as a person that identifies as an autistic adult, so people on the autism spectrum disorder usually have a lot of difficulty with communication. So maintaining or starting conversation, communicating in ways that are kind of socially acceptable, and in the social as well like being able to do eye contact is one thing, maintaining friendships and things like that. And then this isn't sensory difficulties processing, like sound light, like feel like touch is a big one. So some autistic people are like way more sensitive to different sounds. owns lighting and things that they eat or touch. A lot of the information that we have about autistic people are based on studies done on younger white male children, women exhibit these characteristics different than men. And so do adults from children. And like teenagers, there's a lot to be said during the early stages of life. But then it gets harder and harder to kind of identify autistic people, the older they get, because they develop more skills. For me, personally, the ways that I when I think back about like my childhood, like I had a lot of trouble, not so much with like the sensory stuff, but a little bit with the play, like, I would rather just play it by myself. And I didn't understand like certain social interactions, like what a kid was expecting me to do if they did something. So like, if they wanted to play with me, and I didn't want to play with them, I would just kind of ignore them. Like, I was just more interested in what I had going on. Like, I would take recesses off and like, read Narnia books and stuff like that. And usually, I think that was considered a punishment. But like, for me, I was like, well, these books are really good. Like, I'm just gonna read them. And that's just as pleasurable to me as it was to go outside and run around. And then like communication, I think they're kind of like the stereotypical like, oh, yeah, that's a really good vocabulary and kind of talking in a either monotone voice if I wasn't paying attention, or in a way that was considered more formal that a lot of autistic people do sometimes. And then in terms of like behaviors, like, yeah, it's short attention span, for sure. And like my behaviors as a kid were just like, well, if you just play my polygon, read, GameBoy game, and just kind of do that, rather than, like going outside.

Unknown Speaker  7:02  
So like, interoception I think that's what it's called. But you could look it up. It's like, having either a heightened or dulled sense in your body. And that's something that I really experience. Like my sensitivities, levels are like, all the way down low. So I can't feel when I have stuff stuck on my face or body. Like cleanliness was definitely his struggle for me like earlier on in my life, and still is because I can't feel stuff on my lips and stuff. Or like eyes, so I gotta make sure to check myself in that manner. Because my body just doesn't feel things like as highly as like, usually people do. Like I'm a lot older now. So I can figure out ways to kind of get around that with like routines, just building different routines that helped me make sure that my face is clean, and I don't smell them for sensory. I really don't like the way that metal spoons feel in my mouth. So I actually eat with a plastic capping spoon. And like that's my preferred method of eating. It's either with my hands, which I will always gravitated to. As a kid with the help of Prusa thing, like it's part of Safa, Dorian culture, you can eat with your hands, and it's not considered gross. So I always went that route, and kind of embraced that part of the culture. But then when I got older, I kind of realized like, oh, I don't like the metal spoons in my mouth. And then once I started to get a little bit more money and got exposed to like camping and stuff like that, there's these sporks that are sold in camper, campers like gear, and they're made out of plastic. And that's just what I would use. That's what I've been using to eat for like the past seven years. I think. So, and they're great. I love that. That's like my little hack. Like, I love it. And then people always are like, even like co workers that our special education teachers, or in that field, they're like, why do you with a plastic like spork and I'm like, cuz I want to like it's my accommodation. One reason I see people avoiding the label of being autistic is because, I mean, everything in our society tells us that, you know, autistic people are bad. And, you know, there are some pieces of media that kind of spin it positively especially recently, but at the end of the day, like people are still bullied, kid, especially kids are so bullied, for being autistic or for having autistic traits and not getting social cues. Like it We're social. Like we're built to care about what other people think about us. So, you know, our hurts to be projected. And I think I always hear this misconception that people are like, especially with students, because the way that adults talk about students or talk about them in front of their face to other adults, like, especially younger kids, that people are like, oh, yeah, like, he's the big gay, or like, they try to, like mask it or whatever. And you, they usually say something like, kind of just off that they're like, oh, you know, autistic people can't have friends. And that's why I don't think they're autistic. And, and then I'm like, Well, I didn't come up with this on my own, you know, the psychologists did the tests that are objective, they talk to the family. So there's that, like, I then, you know, I'm just going with the information in the way that everyone else gets diagnosed in the school. So I think a lot of people have negative feelings towards autistic people. And I think as an adult to like, when I've mentioned that, like, people don't really know how to take it. Or like, they just kind of brush, brush it aside.

Unknown Speaker  11:29  
Or other people that I feel like artistic. When I mentioned like, oh, yeah, you know, like, that's an autism thing. Like, I feel like autistic people don't necessarily embrace that, because all their previous experiences with that type of terminology is just like rejection, and like, probably bullying and pain, and they probably have been touching it all their life, because, like speaking from experience, like since I didn't have too much trouble in school, like, it wasn't difficult, I just wouldn't do the work at times, like I never had that, like no one really tested me or anything for that. Because like when I actually sat down and did stuff, like I didn't have a problem with it. So there's a lot of people like that. So there's a terminology called masking, that like autistic people, just they create a mask for themselves. And that mask is what they think is like normal, so they don't stand out and don't get like bullied basically, and like adults do this. So during the pandemic, everyone had a lot of downtime. So a lot of people were able to, like, bring their masks down, and like realize, like, Oh, that's not who I am. Like, I actually have a lot of difficulty doing the things that I usually do. And maybe I should try to live my life a little bit differently. Or maybe I have challenges that I've kind of been ignoring this whole time. So that's something I've seen, especially online. And there's a lot of like pushback on that too. Like, especially from older folk, they're like, why is there so many autistic people now, like all of a sudden, like, people are just making up labels to like, feel special and stuff. But it's definitely like something you can't change about yourself. And it's a pattern of like your existence that if you are autistic, you're like, oh, wait, not everyone has trouble feeling like pain in their body. That's how I feel, or like, like, that's considered rude, or they, they took that as if I were rude. Like, I was just trying to give them some good information so they can make an informed choice about their decisions. So it's definitely been a challenge, especially like in the workplace and stuff as a as an adult, but you live in you learn. And I think that's the biggest piece of it is that even though autistic people have these tendencies, that doesn't mean that like, it's a death sentence for them, or us, like, we can definitely learn things. And that's what I do with my students, right? Like, I can identify the lack of skills that they have, and kind of help them develop those skills in ways that makes sense to them. And usually, the students I work with are, make great progress in their social and academic goals, because I take the time to work with them as individuals that I feel that they can make progress. I feel like I've been there before. So I'm like, yeah, it's gonna be hard for a little bit, but then you're gonna figure it out, and just letting them know that people feel good, and works from like, kinder to adulthood, in my experience.

Unknown Speaker  14:56  
In my own experience as an autistic person Then I have seen my challenges diminish as I grow older, because my abilities have stacked, and so has my access to information and money to help me. Then I'm also fortunate enough to be married to my wife, that helps me out a lot. And she has ADHD. So she kind of understands a lot of what's going on with me. And we've both been learning about the whole neurodivergent stuff together, and applying what we learn to like try to make our lives easier, but also to advocate for other people. Like, it's easy to say, from where from the position that I'm in. Now, I feel like children and like teenagers, they often feel like really isolated and like rejected. And those feelings are definitely like amplified when you're that young. But I've definitely, always some kind of embraced my interests. And I've always tried to be around like supportive people. But not everyone has that. I think that's something that I wish was available for more people was to just be able to surround themselves with supporting people that can anticipate their needs, and help them before they reach like panic mode, I think that world is possible. And like good teachers I've met, I've had the fortune of meeting a lot of them. Like they anticipate the needs of their students before they have them. It's possible, you know, it's possible if you care. And if you gain experience as you go, you know, working with students, I'm able to do that for the students I work with. But there's not everyone that is neurodivergent has an IEP, like that everyone's gonna get the support that they need. Unfortunately, the way that everything's kind of set up right now in society, but community, like having a strong community is definitely something we should be striving for. Because not everyone can think in the same way. And like being autistic doesn't really make you better or worse, it just means that you interact in the world in a particular way. And yes, there are autistic people that have like intellectual disabilities. And there is autistic people where you're like, are you really artistic, and you know, and everything in between. So it's important to, you know, keep in mind that not everyone can do everything at once, and that we need to work together to be able to do things that haven't been done, there's a lot that can be done, especially for young people that are kind of learning about how to exist in the world. Autism has been here since forever. It's just now that we have words to talk about it, and we can send it to each other through the internet, that it's becoming, like, easier to understand that some people are different. And that's okay. Just want to reiterate that I think in the first couple episodes, like the stigma of special education, and what is a hidden disability, like I talked a little bit how I've been learning from other people, other like neurodivergent creators online, like sharing their own experiences. And it's been cool to see like the younger generation really talking about it a lot more. But it's also cool to see millennials and like boomers talking about their own, like artistic and like ADHD and like trauma responses in most people don't feel safe talking about those things. It isn't safe. There's a reason why people don't talk about it. It's because it's not safe. There's a lot of rejection. So as a recap, I wanted to talk about some of the things so my personal experiences as an autistic child, teenager and adult. We've talked about ways that autism is viewed in society and ways that we can build our skills and support each other. In a community setting. It's also really important for people to have a sense of self identity. And that's why like the label artistic can give people like self identity and a way to view themselves. That makes sense. Like, they're not able to do certain things because they're artistic and that makes them not all the negative things that they thought about themselves prior. It's important in order to connect with people that are like you, and whether that be race, religion, neuro type, preference of like music or whatever, like it's important to do be with people that are like you a sense of self identity.

Unknown Speaker  20:04  
So that's the end of this episode. And thank you so much for listening to all of it. I am learning as I'm going. So inclusive education IRL has an instagram and twitter page. If you send me a friend request or follow, like, I'll be more than happy to accept that. Want me to talk about anything in particular or you have a question for me just about what I've been talking about. Just send me a message on one of those platforms. And I'll be more than happy to talk to you about

Unknown Speaker  20:42  
it.